That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
