How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
