Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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