im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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