Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
