My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize