She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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