she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
