im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize