does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
