i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My vagina is very pro this idea
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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