taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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