Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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