You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
