she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
