i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
