and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
