Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
