I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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