Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
