Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
