so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize