I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
