i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
