The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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