im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
