tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
