How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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