I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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