even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
