remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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