His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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