The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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