Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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