soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we're making bets on your personal life
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
