That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize