Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
