All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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