I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
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