You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
