guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
