the day after is always just damage control
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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