dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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