About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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