I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I feel great
I just peed on a car
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
