I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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