I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
