Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Quick, to the slutcave!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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