When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
