what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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