I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
