Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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