Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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