I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
