She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
