Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
