I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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