I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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