where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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