At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
