Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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