your thong is hanging out like whoa
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
and you fell through a lawn chair
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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