you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
