All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize