So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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