I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
