i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
