i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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