i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you win again, gameday.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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