i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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