Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
