i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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