So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize