Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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