I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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