Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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