I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
