Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
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