So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
