Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
