I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
