I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
