I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We're too hungover to prance.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
