You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
