We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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