We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
