glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
