I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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