no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
