if only i could text you this smell
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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