just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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