Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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