I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize