I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
you never un-have a 4some
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
