Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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