My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
