do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
