he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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