Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
