never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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